Sexclamations: Warm Weather Brings Short Skirts and ‘Ogling’ Eyes

This column was originally titled: “Females’ Clothing Choice To Blame for Men’s Lewd ‘Ogling’”
It was changed to better reflect the column’s satirical content.

As spring approaches and the weather gets warmer, we all naturally change our winter wardrobes to appropriate spring attire. When women make the decision to wear their summer clothes, they are perpetuating a terrible, lecherous problem that they usually complain about called the ‘ogling conundrum.’

Ogling is a basic term for gawking at females in ways that they probably don’t want you to and is generally considered a problem initiated by men. The truth, however, is that it starts with women.

Ladies, while choosing which dress to wear on a warm, sunny day may seem relatively harmless, it enables the vicious ‘ogling’ cycle. This is because humans, including females, naturally wear less clothing and expose more skin during the spring and summer months.

This allows for other people to see more skin on women’s bodies in areas usually covered during winter months or in extremely conservative areas, like Alabama and Iran. Most of the time, the skin shown off in spring and summer female clothing tends to be the breasts, otherwise known as gourds, bouncing Buddha’s or boobs.

The problem is, despite being bombarded by images of these delicious pieces of the female anatomy, guys still find them very intriguing and fascinating when viewed in real life. Another problem is that guys have absolutely no will power and are rendered completely incapable of thought when near good-looking women.

Therefore, whenever guys can see some of this highly valued skin peeking out, they become very distracted by it. So distracted, in fact, that they often forget many things like where they were going, what they were going to do there, their name and the fact that they are now drooling.

Because men are very focused on viewing this breathtaking scenery, they tend to forget that other people can see them too. This leads to the woman with the breathtaking scenery noticing that she is the recipient of unwanted attention. Most of the time women are offended and insulted; at the very least, they act disgruntled about it when they gossip about the event later with their girlfriends.

Despite this, their clothing style doesn’t usually change, and that means the whole scenario will repeat itself at some point in future, thus continuing the vicious cycle of ‘ogling.’

To be fair, women are guilty of doing this to men too, but they are much better at not getting caught. Not only that, but men consider being ‘ogled’ an honor and worthy of exchanging hi-fives with the rest of the guys.

In short, men are weak creatures that cannot control what they do, so it is up to women to put a stop to this immoral epidemic of lewd behavior. Guys will always stare at scantily clad women, so ladies must be aware of that and accept the consequences of how they dress.

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  1. Bryan says:

    Katie, I’m glad to see reason, even if I disagree with much of your viewpoint.


    Honestly, if somebody were to read this article and actually think it justification for sexual harassment, then there is something seriously wrong with the person, not with the article.

    I understand that people have the right to take away whatever meaning they want to from a written opinion, regardless of the author’s intention. However, when what you read in the article is not what the author intended, it isn’t correct to assume that the author is a smelly, unbathed rapist.

    To me, that’s no different than watching someone standing on a corner in a tube top and daisy dukes. I see that person, and I think, she’s dressed like a prostitute. That’s okay to think. But what people often do is say “wow, a hooker”. And all she has is bad fashion sense and a need to wait for her ride.

    This being a schoolrun newspaper has nothing to do with it. Its an opinions article. These are specifically stated to not reflect the opinions of the rest of the staff at the paper. Or would prefer if mob opinion ran our press today. Because the mob is what is objectifying women, according to you.

    Since puberty? Really? You mean puberty, when we are hard-wired to be DTF? You could have picked a better time. We’ve been working to control testosterone for thousands of years, and we’ve made progress, but puberty is an age where its damn near rocket fuel. That’s a biological thing, not a society thing

    There’s a lot of men who respect the female form. The problem we face as a society is, as I view it, this. Many women like assertive guys. Some women like asses. Some women like ‘bad boys’. As a result, if a guy wants to be noticed, he feels like he has to be assertive. This could cause him to step over the line unintentionally. Or he could be a jackass, but follow me here.

    I’m not saying its womens’ fault for going for the guys who treat them like a toy. But I am saying its more than just guys getting together and saying “lets keep dem bitches in der place!”.

    See: Alpha male, brah.

    Natalie, I have two things to say to you.
    First, 99% of men masturbate. The other 1% is probably lying. Don’t try and make it shameful.

  2. Steven Brown says:

    To the people who responded to this article by/including insulting Calvin himself: you, while entitled to your own opinion, need to stop. You call him a misogynist and completely attack his character in response to SATIRE. Do you yourselves know Calvin specifically, or are you just assuming he is an ass? I know Calvin, and I respect him very much. Plus, I doubt he’d have a girlfriend if he were truly a misogynist.

    While the article was meant to be a satire, it brings up some points that I personally have experienced. I’m guilty of ogling, as is everyone. People do indeed like to look at that which they find attractive. And I’ll admit, I may look for too long sometimes, but always at the face-eyes to me are prettier than breasts anyways. Am I a creeper? No, I’m actually a nice guy if you attempt to befriend me.

    My problem with it comes from when either my friends or I get confronted about the supposed lecherous acts. We get called “creepers” or worse, when the situation itself stems from attraction. We find you attractive. If you found us attractive and saw us ogling at you, would you mind? Didn’t think so. (By the way, I get called creepy for looking at women’s’ eyes. I’m sorry, was there somewhere else you wanted me to look?) To quote my stepfather: “If you’re going to advertise, you can’t complain about who responds.”

    So go ahead, wear what you like. More power to you. But when the entire top half of your bosom is revealed, remember that you chose to wear that shirt for a reason, knowing full well it would expose that much skin. And no, that is not akin to the rapist scenario expressed in prior comments. Rape is voluntary; attraction is not.

    NB: This is just my opinion, which I am entitled to, as are you all. If you do have responses, keep them clean, please. If you do, however, feel the need to insult me or tell me how incorrect you feel I am, the most likely place to find me is the Eagle Landing 4th floor ping pong table.

  3. Lauren says:

    LOL @ men who assume that all feminists are against pornography.

  4. Anon says:

    This is not porn. I promise.

  5. Lindsay says:!5783453/spring-is-no-excuse-for-street-harassment

    Check out the above link for an excellent response to this “satire”

  6. Anonymous says:

    Kind of curious as to why staring is inappropriate.

  7. Rachel says:

    I consider myself a strong feminist and I must say I was not offended at all by this article. I do agree with one person who pointed at that men cat call women no matter what they wear, scarves and all, but it is a lot worse if you wear a shirt with your boobs completely popping out. This doesn’t mean you have to completely cover up.. a dress is fine obviously. BUT if you do wear something extremely revealing, it is kind of asking for extra attention. If you like it, go for it! If not, maybe cover up a tad more. Choice is yours, you just have to be prepared for reactions. We’re humans!

  8. Anonymous says:

    Let’s see which articles offend people tomorrow! :D

  9. Tess Carson says:

    People need to get their panties out of a bunch. It is VERY obvious that the article is dripping with sarcasm. I personally know Calvin and can tell you that he is not a misogynist. I doubt he would have such a wonderful and sweet girlfriend (who I doubt would be with him if he was truly what you guys are calling him). As for all the other mean stuff people are posting: GROW UP. It is insulting and rude and I do not believe UMW should be allowing people to attack one student like this. Don’t you guys have anything else better to do than insult someone for writing a satirical article? What about the other actual IMPORTANT issues on campus that everyone else is ignoring? If you do not like what someone is saying, then prove your point using logical reasoning and intellect. Don’t stoop to belittling the person who wrote it. GET OVER IT.

  10. Lauren says:

    “Satire is primarily a literary genre or form, although in practice it can also be found in the graphic and performing arts. In satire, vices, follies, abuses, and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, ideally with the intent of shaming individuals, and society itself, into improvement. Although satire is usually meant to be funny, its greater purpose is often constructive social criticism, using wit as a weapon.”

  11. Nikki Nishi says:

    This is a well done piece of satiric journalism. Kudos. Other staff writers could stand to follow your example.

  12. Brad says:

    I am enraged by words! Erase them please or I threaten to make another comment on this sartre.

  13. Anonymous says:

    Yes, it is a weapon to make sure that the people who wear shirts that flash everyone, or skirts and shorts that moon the people behind know what they’re getting themselves into.

    I hope so dearly that this article does ridicule the people who are guilty of those actions. But most importantly, I hope it shames the people who believe that this article is hateful/spiteful/misogynistic/not funny.

    You can have your opinion, but you had best be open to other ideas. Yes, people think this is funny. Others think it is hateful. You can have your debate and forum crap, but do you think it’s going to change anything? Calvin has admitted he likes the article. A lot of the student body has admitted they like the article. Granted there has been a minute burst of opposition, if other females (and males…let’s not be sexist) think it is funny, then why do you think that the rest of the student body should all align themselves with your opinion?

    By the way, obnoxious posters are obnoxious. I hope you all enjoy my posters that will soon be going up.

  14. Rachel says:

    This article is MALARKY! Everyone is in control of what they do and don’t do. Men, be a man and learn how to appreciate women in an appropriate and gentleman-like way. It has been my experience that if a women dresses like that it is to elicit a certain reaction. So, if you are the one who is “ogling” her, then, you have succeeded in giving her what she wants.

    Men, you can be strong enough to do what is right. I know its hard, but we all have to learn some time. Its not that women are better at not getting caught, its that women are still expected to have a sense of decency and not to look at every piece of meat that moves.

    Deal with it, get over it, and be a better person for it.

  15. Anonymous says:

    Now I’m going to go on campus and get my eyeful of it.

  16. Sam says:

    I object to this article on the grounds that it is offensive to satirists.

  17. Beth says:

    I am utterly ashamed at the work the UMW Bullet is putting out there. I graduated class of 2010, and this is how you repay my loyal contributions as an alum? For shame. I mean, it’s as if the newspaper department was actually AWARE of high writing styles such as SATIRE. How could a public, liberal arts institution stand for such blatant disrespect of women, especially an institution named after one belonging to said sex?

    I see your satire, and raise one with sarcasm. ;) Keep up the good work.

  18. Anonymous says:

    There are no such things as racism, sexism, and all those other -isms. However, there are jokes about race, sex, and those other things. Take it as those.
    The only time you should take offense is if those jokes are hateful and directed towards you. That is called prejudice. If thinking that one race or sex is better than the other is prejudice, then what makes the feminists’ claims any different? You may say otherwise, but in all honesty, you’re taking the female over all others? If this was a paper on men running in their track shorts and no shirts, what would you feminists say? That they shouldn’t be ogled at? They run like that because it is most comfortable. And if they’re watched, it just rolls off of their back. Learn to do the same.

  19. Bear says:

    Are they going to pull that mayhem commercial where the guy crashes his car while looking at the woman jogging.

  20. Anonymous says:

    For the record, I am a female and I believe this article is GOLD.

    If you are bitter about people ogling you, slap a smile on your face. A smile is the most attractive quality a person possesses. If you walk around with a sour look on your face, why would anyone want to look at it? It’s really quite simple: if you smile, people will look at your face; if you don’t smile, the eyes wander.

    Lose the bitterness, ladies. It’s not an attractive quality.

  21. Anonymous says:

    Oh, feminists.

  22. RM says:

    I can’t quite understand why may college co-eds are getting all worked up over this satirical, well written op-ed article. For anyone to assume that this piece is in any way referring to why sexual assults occur is way off base. People who assult women are mentally ill and need to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. But unfortunately these crimes are commited throughout the entire year regardless of whether the female victim is in a tank top or a down jacket.

    This column is merely poking fun at male college students who naturally look, fantasize, and go numb at every hot female they cannot help starring at. And I cannot believe that every female on campus is offended. I don’t believe it’s that hot in the burg that requires tank tops and short shorts until school is out in early May. So chill out all you co-eds and appreciate the compliments. When you are in your 40′s these oglings may not be so frequent.

  23. Anonymous says:

    Let me aid you, RM, with a well-written revision.

    *”So chill out all you current Mary Washington co-eds, and appreciate the compliments. When you are in your 40′s, these oglings WILL NOT HAPPEN.”

    Also, the majority of the males will never be numb during their four year stay here.

  24. jerk says:

    can’t believe how ignorant the “Alabama or Iran” comment is, on top of not being funny in any way. What a crappy writer.

  25. Anonymous says:

    Nice grammar, numbnuts. You want to try discrediting Calvin again, but this time in a way that we don’t think of you as the most stupid human being alive?

  26. Elaine (Calvin's Mom) Sherwood says:

    I guess reading Calvin all those Dave Barry books at bedtime had an effect. He drooled a lot as a baby too.

  27. Anonymous says:

    Mrs. Sherwood,
    You have raised a phenomenal son. He most definitely deserves the good attention he has garnered with this article, as he is truly outspoken and a gentleman. UMW would be lost in a sea of low cut tops and booty shorts if he did not step in. For his actions, I thank you.

  28. Anonymous says:

    Honestly don’t see why that is offensive. To all you girls who act ‘offended’, just admit it already. You like being ogled. You just want attention, and that’s exactly what you’re getting. Congratulations.

  29. Thea (calvin's sister) says:

    Not being sexist against myself, but girls ask for it. A lot. This article is completely true, not to mention hilarious! Calvin, I’ll have to get you another Dave Barry book for your birthday or something to supply you with more ammunition! If you don’t want guys seeing your bouncing buddha’s, then pull up your shirt. Simple as that.

  30. Anonymous says:

    Shall we make this the most popular article on the Bullet’s website and reach 160?
    I’ve just done my part!

  31. Christian says:

    Bad journalism or bad satire. Either way, readers lose.

  32. Anonymous says:

    I don’t know….I feel as though I’ve just won by reading this.
    And for the record, it is neither bad journalism NOR bad satire. Please refrain from using either of those to describe this article.

  33. Perry (GUP) says:

    Ogle by definition is not lecherous. Both Men and Women do it, I think human nature to look amorously or flirtingly. Eye contact is often made, and sometimes avoided. When I am caught I often get a smile, and then I smile back. I think some Women like it and even have eyes in the back of their head glancing back often to confirm a look. Taste can be an issue, but to ask anyone to cover up is missing a lot of fun. Cherish your Woman and get used to the glances of others. BTW, I am Calvin’s Great Uncle Perry.

  34. Sir Perry, I know exactly what you mean. And if you ever ask someone to cover up because you can’t stop looking, it is then taken as an offense as well. Feminism; the root of all fun-killers.

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