Corbin Promoted to BOV Clerk
April 26, 2009
MILES DUMVILLE
Executive Assistant to the President Ranny Corbin is the new clerk to the Board of Visitors, replacing the recently resigned clerk Amy Taft.
The job of the clerk, according to Section X of the UMW Board of Visitors bylaws, is to assist the Secretary of the Board of Visitors with their responsibilities, such as meeting minutes and public announcements, as well as jobs assigned by the Rector or by the Board itself.
A non-board member fills the position of clerk “at the pleasure of the Board” and is “compensated for services rendered,” according to the bylaws.
Ranny Corbin is a 1971 graduate of UMW and served as an officer on the Centennial Celebration Steering Committee.
Visitors’ Meeting Moved to May
April 26, 2009
BRITTANY DeVRIES
The UMW Board of Visitors postponed last Friday’s meeting because proper public notice of the originally scheduled meeting’s arrangements was not given.
The meeting is postponed until May 8.
Procedures for announcing regular Board meetings as described in the Freedom of Information Act include at least a 10-day advance notice by mail or telegram that includes dates, times, and places, according to Board Bylaws, Section IV.
President Judy Hample said that the procedural guidelines for publicly announcing the meeting were not adhered to due to a “clerical error.”
“The Freedom of Information Act requires posting notice of public meetings in four locations, but due to a clerical error only three locations were properly noticed,” Hample said.
According to Section IV of the Board Bylaws, the secretary or clerk of the board is responsible for proper notice of the Board meetings.
Brooke Kingsley, executive assistant to the vice president, said the postponed meeting was due to a website notice that was not properly updated.
“There was one place where the information on the site was not updated,” Kingsley said.
According to Kingsley, postponing the Board meeting until May was done by recommendation from the Attorney General’s office, although Hample said that Board Rector Sauder made the request.
“Rector Sauder made the decision to take up the items on the April Board agenda at the May meeting after canceling the April meeting,” Hample said.
Although April items will be postponed for approximately three weeks, Hample said that not discussing the list of items from April will not create any problems.
“Postponing does not affect the decisions,” she said. “There is no problem with the decisions being made in May rather than April.”
Kingsley and Hample both said that there was no objection to the decision.
“Obviously the entire board agreed to postpone it,” Kingsley said.
Police Beat: April 26, 2009
April 26, 2009
April 3- At 9:50 a.m., a 19-year-old female student reported that her vehicle was hit while parked in front of Bushnell Hall. The car was hit on the driver’s side rear bumper. Estimated damage is $500. There are no suspects or witnesses at this time.
April 7- At 1 p.m., a 19-year-old male from Westmoreland Hall reported an assault by his roommate. The suspect, also a 19-year-old male, had hit his roommate on the head with a boot. The incident occurred because the suspect was coughing and refused to take medication at his roommate’s request. The student refused medical treatment and did not wish to obtain warrants. The case was referred to Residence Life.
April 7- At 1:20 p.m., an officer responded to the Jefferson parking lot where a 20-year-old female commuter student’s car had been broken into. The passenger window of the 1997 Jeep was broken and the purse inside the car was missing. The damage to the window is approximately $500. The property stolen from inside the car is approximately $70. There are no suspects at this time.
April 7- At 10:20 p.m., a wallet was reported missing by an 18-year-old female of Russell Hall. The wallet went missing from her room or her friend’s room, possibly during a fire drill. The wallet and contents are estimated at $111. There are no suspects or witnesses at this time.
April 8- At 10:54 a.m., a housekeeping supervisor reported that on April 6, a contracted male housekeeping employee walked into a female restroom at the Fitness Center. The male conversed with two female students in the bathroom. The females then reported the incident to Fitness Center employees. The male has been permanently excluded from working on the UMW campus. A trespass warning was sent to his residence.
April 9- At 11:13 p.m., an 18-year-old female resident of Mason Hall was found in the Randolph Hall parking lot. The student was not capable of standing on her own due to intoxication. She was arrested for drunk in public and taken to the regional jail.
April 11- At 10:29 p.m., it was reported that an Allied Barton security officer ran over a pillar with one of the university golf carts on the third-floor of the parking garage. The estimated value of a cart is under $1000.
April 13- At 9:15 a.m., it was reported that over the weekend two digital projectors and one computer monitor were stolen from the second-floor of Jepson Science Center. The room was processed for evidence. A grounds worker later found one projector in a bush near Alvey Hall. An officer later recovered the other projector nearby. The monitor, estimated at $250, has still not been recovered. There are no suspects or witnesses at this time.
UMW Fall Sports Preview
April 23, 2009
ZACH MORETTI
Now that summer has wrapped up, UMW athletics is back in full swing and full sweat. Volleyball, men’s and women’s cross country, field hockey, and men’s and women’s soccer all look to build on their 2008 campaigns and hope to do even better in 2009.
The 2008 Eagles volleyball team had a solid season as they finished tied for third in the Capitol Athletic Conference (CAC) at 5-3 and had an overall record of 19-11. Last year’s team was young; of the 15 players only three were seniors and eight were freshmen. Those young players getting experience right away should only help the team this year and beyond. The Eagles will have to do without the services of Kelley Hueber, a four-time All-Capitol-Athletic Conference player and one of the best volleyball players to ever suit up for Mary Washington, as she has graduated and her illustrious career has come to an end. UMW does return Senior Anne Lutkenhaus, who is coming off a season where she was awarded first-team All-CAC honors. With the combination of Lutkenhaus and the development of all the young talent on the team, the 2009 season looks to be a promising one. The new season kicks off on Sept. 4 when the team will travel to Virginia Beach for a tournament held by Virginia Wesleyan College.
The men’s and women’s cross country teams both had very respectable seasons in 2008. Both squads were extremely young, as each team had only a lone senior on their roster. The men’s team finished second in the CAC Championships last November and this season they will once again be led by CAC Runner of the Year Frank DeVar, who is now entering his senior season. The team also returns three other All-CAC runners; Brian Fulton, Jason Driscoll and Jake Pattyson, all seniors. Sophomore Justin Mullen, last year’s CAC Rookie of the Year, also returns. The team will have a tough task at hand if they wish to accomplish the goal of capturing the CAC title this year, as to do so they will need to topple the four-time defending champ Salisbury University. However, with all the talent the team has returning, a CAC title is certainly in reach.
The women’s team has a CAC Runner of the Year of their own in Junior Hayley Sullivan, who was also an NCAA Championship participant in 2008. However, Sullivan is not the lone talent on the team as UMW had six other runners who were donned with All-CAC honors; Junior Sarah Dawes, Senior Kira Runkle, Senior Nina Pfeiffer, Sophomore Michaela Sands, Junior Madalyn Crowell, and Senior Mara Cate. The goal of a CAC title is in sight for this squad, but just like the men’s team, in order to be crowned CAC champs this season the Eagles will need to dethrone Salisbury.
Both the men’s and women’s seasons begin at the Washington & Lee Invitational on Sept. 12 in Lexington.
The UMW field hockey team had a solid year in 2008, finishing third in the CAC with a 4-2 mark and with an overall record of 13-6. As is the case with the other fall sports teams at UMW, the field hockey team is also a young bunch as the team returns all but three players from last year and will only have three seniors again this season. Leading the team in the fall will be Senior Jaci Marshall and Junior Heidi Sheehan, who were both honored with First Team All Conference selections a season ago. If the young talent got enough seasoning last year that they are more game-ready this season, then this team could rise to the top of the conference. But once again just like the other sports, the Eagles will have to overcome a Salisbury team that is defending their title and looks strong once again. The 2009 field hockey season will begin with a match at home against Lynchburg College on Sept.1.
The men’s soccer team had strong showing in 2008. They finished with an overall record of 9-5-3 and they went 5-1-2 in conference play, which was good for second place in the CAC. The team returns their leading point scorer in junior T.L. Tutor, who was not only an All-CAC player a year ago but was also named to the Virginia Sports Information Directory all-state college division team. The UMW soccer team has high hopes for the season but they will need to replace not only the performance of the five seniors who have moved on, but also their leadership if they are going to be successful this season. After a second place finish in the conference a year ago, the Eagles have their sights on moving up to claim that top spot.
On the women’s side, the Eagles’ female soccer team had a good showing in 2008 as they went 8-6-5 overall and 4-1-3 in CAC play to finish fourth in the conference. The team went through a youth movement as they started multiple freshmen every game and as many as five freshmen were in the starting lineup. Coach Corey Hewson will be entering his second season in command of the Eagles and he will need to replace goalkeeper Laura McCarthy, who has since graduated, and the position will be up for grabs between two sophomores. The team will also be looking to the young talent to really step up to fill the shoes of last season’s leading scorer, Hannah Pearson, who also graduated last spring. The team will look to senior Kate Parvin for guidance and as well as sophomores Amy Olson and Nicole Dierkes, who are both rising young stars. A first place finish may be too lofty a goal for this particular team, but a top three finish seems attainable.
The men’s soccer season will get underway with a home game on Sept. 1 against Virginia Wesleyan College at 4 p.m. The women’s team will also start their season on the first, but on the road as they travel to Winchester, to take on Shenandoah University at 7 p.m.
As we return to school for another great year, it appears that the prospects for the fall sports teams look just as bright as ever.
That’s What She Said
April 23, 2009
KAITLIN MAYHEW
The “morning after” will be a little less stressful from now on. Or at least for a select group of 17-year-old girls it will be.
The Federal Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is set to loosen restrictions on Plan B, or the “morning after pill.” In accordance with the new restrictions, 17-year-old girls will now be able to obtain Plan B without a prescription.
The policy, sparked by a ruling by a US district judge in New York that said the Bush administration was driven for political reasons, not scientific ones to restrict access to the pill to those 18 or older.
Not that there is any big surprise there. And the old Bush policy supporters are firing up again with their pitchforks, and masticated fetus photos, waging protest against minors being fed “abortion pills.”
Although it has been stated over and over again by scientists and doctors alike that Plan B contraceptive is not an abortion pill. In fact it says on the website, and in the information brochure that it is completely ineffective if a pregnancy has already occurred.
Many pro-lifers still maintain that the morning after pill causes an abortion since it prevents a fertilized egg from attaching to the uterus.
But where does the extent of this murder stop?
First a fetus is supposedly a human life, and now many are claiming the same about fertilized eggs. Zygotes, or fertilized eggs in biological terms, are single-celled organisms. So in essence, these people calling Plan B an abortion are saying that preventing this single cell from attaching to the uterus is murder.
However, with this ridiculousness aside, the accessibility of Plan B could actually lead to fewer abortions being necessary. If taken within 72 hours after intercourse, the morning after pill reduces the chances of pregnancy by up to 89 percent.
And referring to the “national tragedy” that is underage abortion and underage pregnancy, Plan B could be a saving grace. It makes no sense for politicians to prevent minors from obtaining emergency contraception and then be embarrassed about the rates of teen pregnancies.
The abstinence argument is not relevant in this argument either. Of course abstinence for minors is a valid option, and they know it. But the fact is a lot of minors are having sex, whether or not the government chooses to acknowledge it.
Who needs Plan B more than the scared 17-year-old that just made her first big mistake?
Being young is all about making mistakes, bad outfits, car crashes, and freshman yearbook photos, why is sex treated so differently?
Student Wins Fulbright
April 23, 2009
KJ ADLER
Senior Sylvia Sierra discovered on April 3 that she had won a Fulbright Scholarship to Mexico. Sierra is the fifth student to earn a Fulbright at the University of Mary Washington. The scholarship entails all expenses paid for a year of research and study in the applied country.
She had originally planned on attending graduate school after college, but over the past summer, Sierra had a change of heart and decided to follow her dream of teaching English in Latin America. After informing some of her professors about her intentions, they recommended that she apply for a Fulbright.
“I had never really heard about the program,” Sierra said. “But I talked to Dr. Al-Tikriti, our university’s Fulbright advisor, and he really encouraged me to apply for the Fulbright English Teaching Assistantship because I already had a good academic record and experience founding and teaching ESOL (English for Speakers of Other Languagues) classes at UMW.”
Sierra’s linguistics project, which she worked on in her American Accents seminar with Nabil Paul Fallon, UMW assistant professor of Linguistics, consisted of collecting speech data from lifelong residents of Fredericksburg to learn about the dialect in the area and how it is changing. She believes it definitely had something to do with her winning a Fulbright since she was able to present her research in San Francisco at the annual Linguistic Society of America Conference.
“When I got the e-mail that I had been selected for a grant I was spazzing out, jumping around shouting, the usual thing people do when they hear really good news like that,” Sierra said.“ I was ecstatic and couldn’t stop smiling all day.”
According to Dr. Al-Tikriti, the University’s Fulbright advisor, only ten students have applied for the Fulbright in the past two years. Nationally the Fulbright committee awarded 6,000 grants in 2008 for both teaching assistantships and research projects. The application process begins in October and winners are announced in April.
“The process was very, very long. It wasn’t really hard, just a lot of work,” Sierra said. “I had to write a bunch of essays, revise them all like 10 times until they were ‘perfect’, get references, take a language proficiency test, have an informal interview, plus fill out all the other paperwork.”
When all that was done she had to wait about three months just to find out if she made the first round of selection in the U.S., and after she knew that she had made it that far, she had three more months of waiting to see if she had made the final selection.
Sierra will be doing a teaching assistantship for English as a second language. She originally wanted to go to Chile, but is just as enthusiastic to be headed to Mexico.
“I’m really excited about going to Mexico because I’ve always wanted to live and work outside of the U.S. to be immersed in another culture and to improve my Spanish,” Sierra said. “I’m not too nervous about it, although I know it will be a lot of work to get there and once I’m there I’m sure it’ll take a while to get situated. I’m sure the experience will be worth it though.”
The Fulbright scholarship is one of the largest scholarships in the country. The scholarship aims to encourage international awareness as well as leadership and education opportunities.
Frisbee Team Returns
April 23, 2009
BRITTANY DeVRIES
Lazlo’s Weenie World may not mean very much to most people, but there are a group of frisbee players who see it as the core of their lives.
Hugh Lowry, ’77 alum, and his wife, Mary, is in charge of Lazlos, a one weekend a year restaurant that materializes beneath a picnic shelter at Pratt Park in Fredericksburg to nourish and hydrate a slew of World Champion frisbee players competing in the little known but well loved VA State Frisbee Championships.
What started as a pick-up game at the University of Mary Washington developed into the nationally recognized VA state tournament that it has become, all because of a few guy friends throwing frisbees back in the 70s.
Lowry used to hang a bag of frisbees on the tree at Ball Circle so he and his friends could throw them around between classes.
“This was a time when we thought throwing a frisbee 300 feet was pretty damn good,” Lowry said. “Now the record holder for distance, who is here, throws over 200 meters. We couldn’t possibly have done that on campus.”
Lowry’s team mate from thirty years ago, Presbyterian Minister Randy Corbin, mentioned the relationships that grew out of the pick up games at Ball Circle, a theme that persisted through the voice of every person at the Tournament this past weekend.
“I don’t think anyone ever envisioned we’d be doing this thirty three years later,” Corbin said.
Then, Corbin, ’79, lived in Madison Hall, the only male freshman residence hall, his freshman year. He could see Lowry and his friends playing out on Ball, and decided to join them. He later became the club president in ’77.
In ’76, the games turned into a club, a team named the Mothers, with the help of then late professor of economics John Pickerill, who acted as their advisor.
“He’d come out when we were playing and showed us different games,” Lowry said. “[Pickerill] thought it would be good to have an overall tournament.”
Pickerill later left his teaching career to work full time with his disc dog Martha Faye, a black Labrador who jumped high enough and ran fast enough to win World Champion canine frisbee titles.
Eric Olson ‘82, who has been the tournament director for 22 years, explained that the Mothers were named after Mary Washington, the mother of the father of the country.
Olson said that Pickerill deserved credit for his efforts in starting and inspiring the club.
“Lowry was the founder, but Pickerill was really the one to inspire us,” Olson said.
As the games got more popular, the guys developed a disc golf course around the campus grounds, applied to the International Frisbee Association through the original Frisbee brand Whammo, and by 1977 Mary Washington was host for the Virginia State Championships.
“Playing on campus was like heaven on earth,” Wootten said.
They tried for four events, and about 67 people competed in the first tournament in ’77.
“We have people from Oregon, New York, California, and Michigan, from all over,” Lowry said.
Duke Stableford, ’81, remembered how he and his friends used to slow up their game a little around one of the holes behind Russell Hall, where female students were often laying on the grass to enjoy the sun.
“We used to have a tee off pad from the patio of Randolph Hall to a lamppost down just past Russell,” Stableford, who has been to 31 tournaments, said. “It was the most popular of tee pads by mid April”
That evening, Olson and Wootten also admitted to their favorite hole being the one behind Russell Hall.
“It was covered in sunbathing co-eds,” Olson said.
“There weren’t any cell phone exchanges at that time,” Wootten said humorously.
Stableford mentioned that the Frisbee players used to hold large Saturday night parties in the basement of Seacobeck Hall, making it a point to invite the girls to what he recalled as a “toxic waste with a live band.”
Olson described the scene.
“The legal age was 18 so everyone on campus could drink and it was not that big of a deal,” he said. “They had keg parties in the ballroom, with a lot of Marines and people. When they shut down the ballroom, it was moved to the Seacobeck basement. It was a great time. We used to have 20 or 30 kegs at the party. A great mix of people.”
Stableford gave the basement another perspective.
“Think about it, a bunch of buff, young, half naked guys playing around on Ball Circle would bring out all the young ladies,” he said. “We’ll stop there. It was many, many nights of debauchery.”
Laurie Daniels, ’84, didn’t get involved with Frisbee through their parties.
“I was a freshman, and I was sitting in front of my dorm at Mason reading my English book. A frisbee goes flying past me with no receiver, no thrower. And then another one, and another one. What I didn’t realize was that right in front of my dorm was a frisbee golf course and they were heading toward the fountain, and the tee-off was around the corner.”
One of the guys told her that it was the Va State Frisbee Championships, and they were held on campus every year since the Spring of 1977.
Later, on her way to Seacobeck Hall, Daniels ran into players like Eric Wootten,’81, while he was freestyling with a Frisbee.
“He taught me how to do it,” she said. “He fed me the disc, fed me the disc, fed me the disc, and got me to do a couple moves.”
In one year, Daniels started playing ultimate, was one of two women to play on the Fredericksburg Mothers team, learned disc golf, and learned how to belay and freestyle.
“I majored in Psychology and Frisbee, that’s what ended up happening,” Daniels said. “And I still use both.”
Daniels, who received a World Champion title in ‘03 for Women’s Double Disk Competition and was named World’s Women’s Master’s overall in ’04, always comes back to the tournament.
Eric Wootten, ’81, another key founder alongside Lowry, could see the guys playing on Ball from his room in Madison Hall.
“It was beautiful,” Wootten said. “It’s the flight of the disc that brings people to this sport.”
Playing nonstop, Wootten ended up qualifying for the world Frisbee Championship during his junior year.
Wootten, who has been attending the Va. tournament for the 33 years, it has been in effect, said that the event is the same as ever.
“It hasn’t changed, other than people throwing further,” he said. “It’s a time warp.”
Wootten and his wife Bonnie, an ’81 graduate as well, qualified for Nationals on a pairs team. Their son, Hunter, went to Ithaca for the World Frisbee Disc Foundation in 2007.
“It’s part of the fabric of our family, this tournament,” Wootten said.
Corbin commented that while Wootten was club president in ‘78, he managed to receive money from the University.
That was about as much support as they received, and the administration’s difficulties with the campus tournaments eventually led to the club’s dismissal from campus.
Stableford explained how part of the reason there were complaints was that the frisbees started changing, which started becoming heavier and harder in the early 80s.
“As disc became more beveled, it began to hurt when you got hit,” Stableford said. “Around ‘81 or ‘82, the administration started having problems.
For the frisbee club’s first campus fundraiser, they used to buy reject discs for 50 cents, and sell them to students for $1.
Midnight Flyers, a new frisbee that came out in the late 70s that could glow in the dark when activated, began a whole new way of playing Frisbee.
“When Midnight Flyers came out, you could go out on a Friday or Saturday night around midnight or 1 a.m. and play night golf,” Stableford said. “You’d hold the Frisbee up to the light posts to play the next hole.”
Stableford said that President Prince B. Woodard eventually banned Frisbee on campus.
“So if you wanted to play, you had to do it secretly, as an act of civil disobedience,” he said.
Wootten, who said that the targets were light posts, recalled one night while he and his friends were playing late-night Frisbee golf with the Flyer Frisbees.
“I could hear the cop’s keys,” Wootten said. “Then suddenly he was there with his gun drawn. I told him, “Hey, we’re just playing frisbee,” you know?”
Wootten said that it was the late night games that put the Frisbee club on bad terms with the administration.
The tournament was moved to Old Mill Park in ’82 and ‘83, and eventually found its home at Pratt Park in 1984.
Mike Trapassasso, a Fredericksburg resident who owns 64 private acres of disc golf courses, helps organize the music and stage for the weekend.
“It’s a blas,t” he said of the tournament.
Daniels agreed.
“I love this tournament,” she said. “It’s the people that make this event, it’s the personalities that are here that bleed through into the events.”
Olsen summed up the vibe, the emotions, and the love that has maintained the VA State Frisbee Tournament for 33 years.
“In the end what it is, is, we got that combination of, you know, the history of the game, we’ve kept it consistent with what it at its beginning, and we’ve got that great frisbee vibe going, and that’s what keeps bringing people back,” he said. “Once they start going, they just keep coming.”
Four Is a Crowd
April 23, 2009
VIRGINIA SCOTT
Three’s company, and four’s a brothel, at least according to the city of Fredericksburg. Many students are aware of this law, dubbed the “brothel rule” reading that no more than three unrelated individuals may live together in town.
Virginia still harbors many outdated laws such as in Waynesboro, VA where it is “illegal for women to drive on Main Street” or in Richmond where it is illegal to flip a coin to decide who pays for dinner. Fredericksburg is no exception.
Debra Ward, the zoning officer of Fredericksburg, and representing the Board of Zoning Appeals dismissed the suspicion that this law was created to prevent brothels from forming in the area.
“The brothel rule is an urban legend,” she said.
However, she reiterated that a family dwelling cannot be inhabited by more than three unrelated boarders, and asserted that “it’s a zoning law” and is pertinent within the city limits of Fredericksburg.
Despite most students being aware of some sort of restraining law, there is a lot of ambiguity about the specifics. Kathryn Schmidt, a sophomore, recalled having some trouble when she first tried to look for an off campus residence.
“We didn’t even know if this was a situation in which realtors would purposefully overlook some details, or if we’d even be able to sign the lease in the first place,” she said.
As a result, some students have resorted to loopholes such as having three tenants on the lease, but more living in the house.
Sarah Williams is a junior living in the Idlewild Complex with three of her good friends. However, there was a time when the foursome thought they would never find a realtor or landlord willing to rent to college students, let alone four of them.
“Finally, after months of no luck searching for houses, Hannah and I walked into a realtor office and this great lady went out of her way to help us find a place,” she said.
However, the realtor was not aware that four young women would actually be cohabitating at that house.
Sophomore Jordan Kroll, also recalls facing adversity, and is perturbed with the city’s zoning law.
“No one we’ve spoken with regarding housing next year has been accommodating and most of them have been rude, stringing us along until better (non-student) tenants come along,” she said.
In the difficult economic conditions, and the particular high cost of living in the immediate area, it puts a lot of pressure on students at UMW that doesn’t exist for students at other universities.
Students who could have easily paid rent with four other roommates are now stretching to pay rent with only two other roommates.
“I have to say that Fredericksburg isn’t so much a college town as it is a town that happens to have a college,” Kroll said.
The animosity between the college students and community continues to stretch down towards the far end of Route 1.
“It’s a very family oriented neighborhood and the neighbors have told us point blank that they don’t like us there and they have had college kids kicked out before,” Williams said.
Although the “loophole” of omitting residents from the lease may seem like a viable option for many students, it is actually very dangerous. Despite creating an environment in which one or more housemates are not legally obligated to pay rent or contribute to utilities, if a realtor found out it could require legal action from the city, possibly leaving someone without a place to live.
Top 5 Reasons the Recession Ain’t so Bad
April 23, 2009
JOHN SHERIDAN
1. I will have a lot of free time when I graduate—
All the books and videogames that I have put off because of school will finally be mine to read/play at my leisure, and there will be a lot of leisure. So what if I can’t afford a PS3 or a damn Kindle? I still have my books and my Super Nintendo.
2. Stay in School, ‘Cause It’s the Best—
I’m hearing a lot lately from graduate friends about how they wish they were still in school. The market sucks, jobs are scarce, etc. So why be in such a rush to finish in four years? I suddenly feel so validated in my Super-seniority. Why leave college before you have to? I’m not floundering, I’m waiting for the right time to strike.
3. When I am old maybe I will be as awesome as my grandparents—
They grew up in the Great Depression, like most of our grandparents did. And like most of America, their families were dirt poor for a long time. But I’ve never heard them complain once about that period of time, never about it being the government’s fault (even if it was) or that it sucked to have nothing. Sure life was hard, but that’s how it is. People pulled themselves up by their bootstraps instead of wallowing in self-pity. As long as you’re alive, you can find happiness. If your definition of happiness requires money, then you might be screwed.
4. Reality Check—
My generation seems like it is obsessed with becoming rich and famous. Reality TV and “American Idol”-type shows are making every mindless dreg in the nation believe they deserve your full and constant attention. Every Hitler-haired scenester with a blog and YouTube thinks they can make it big with little to no effort. Maybe we need a slap in the face. Maybe we need a break from instant gratification. God forbid we would actually have to work for what we want.
5. The Perfect Excuse—
A recession is a great excuse not to do something. Can’t afford to go to the bar with your friends? It’s the recession. Forgot your anniversary? The recession made you do it. E.D. got you down? “Listen, baby, it’s not you…it’s the recession.”
Top 5 Things They Don’t Tell You on Tours: Staff Writer Challenges Readers to Discover Mary Washington’s Mythical Secrets
April 23, 2009
LANDON JAMES
Anybody who has spent more than one day on Mary Washington’s campus will come to understand that there are many things they leave out in the tours. In fact, they are very important things that every student and prospecting student has the right to know.
Behold my wisdom and powerful observatory mastery and be afraid.
1. The Echo Chamber—
Somewhere on campus, there is a chamber where, if you speak the correct words in the correct tone, you will actually produce an echo that will keep any sober person fascinated for hours. If you’re not sober, who knows how long you could be there? I can’t tell you where it is, because it’s your job to find it. But don’t tell your friends where it is, just allude to the fact that there is an echo chamber on campus and that you found it. Act like it’s not a big deal and watch your friends squirm trying to figure out where it is.
2. The Shimmering Staircase—
Another mystical location on campus that is left off the tour is the shimmering staircase. Glimmering and glowing at the right time, in the right spot, you can see a staircase that does its name justice. A perfect place to enjoy by yourself or take a loved one and act like you are the first and only person who knows about the mystical staircase. Tell your lover you are naming it after them, and your Facebook relationship status is bound to change. Once again, it is not my duty to show you the road to these campus “gems” but merely provide you the tools to discover the treasure on your own.
3. The Spine of Campus—
Let your inner science side come out as you attempt to discover the backbone that holds this creaking, osteoperosis-ridden, hunching campus together. The spine of campus might not be as obvious as you think it is, so use discretion, debate, and intelligence if you have any to find this other wonder of campus. Find it yourself because I am not telling you.
4. Underground Tunnels—
Many eons ago when dark lords ran Mary Washington, there was a rather elaborate network of underground tunnels spanning the entirety of campus. Rumors circled and many people claimed the tunnels were used for underground transportation. Others said alligators infested the tunnels and would snag a student every once in awhile. The most popular rumor claims the University hired a centaur and threw vigilante students in the tunnels in an attempt to try and overcome the centaur in exchange for the dropping of all judicial charges.
5. Seacobeck’s Food—
If you have ever taken a tour or lived on campus for more than a day, chances are you have eaten at Seacobeck Dining Hall. The tour guide will excite you with the promise and prospect of delicious and mass-produced food. They also say it’s good. Don’t be fooled by these desperate claims to win over your appetite and affection. Students who have graduated will explain that Seacobeck’s food has always been a mystery the world may never solve.
Enjoy this guide and use it as a treasure map to understand our campus better and strap on that old eye patch and sword you thought you wouldn’t need again for awhile and solve those mysteries.
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